Things are getting interesting.
Longtime FOX turncoat Chris Wallace left the top-rated cable news channel to headline some nebulous thing on the lowest-rated cable news channel’s yet-to-be-launched lowest-rated streaming news channel, while President Donald Trump has not-so-subtly hinted that the 2024 Vice President odds should strongly favor Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis.
There are also some really comical betting lines up at BetOnline Sportsbook, albeit – as the saying goes – they’re funny because they’re true.
That is, such Vegas election futures would have no basis in reality had our current timeline been the reasonable, logical one. But since our present reality is more Puppet String Theory than String Theory, we get what we get.
Case in point, all this nonsense (among lots more, but we’re under the gun on time – plus it’s Monday morning and we’re basically Garfield):
Trump vs. Biden Boxing Match
- Donald Trump -300
- Joe Biden +200
This line has been up for a while, and it’s just as stupid now as it was when it was first posted.
Also, it’s worth pointing out that the lines haven’t moved at all.
While we give mad Vegas political props to BetOnline for offering amusing fare, we must warn online gamblers not to let their money be tied up in such nonsense if they’ve got active bonuses credited to their accounts.
Now, there will obviously be no such boxing match, which makes this line dumb enough. But the thing that really makes this wager asinine beyond all comprehension is the fact that Trump is just a -300 favorite.
One of these guys is historically virile and filled with Dragon Energy™, while the other can hardly perambulate without a walker.
Trump would kill Biden in the ring worse than he killed him at the polls in 2020.
Of course, both sports appear to be scored by corrupt judges…
2022 Hungarian General Election Odds – Prime Minister
- Viktor Orban -200
- Peter Marki-Zay +150
This is a legitimate international political betting line, but it’s really stupid at the same time.
Why?
Because Hungary loves Viktor Orban.
The Western media likes to pretend that Orban is some kind of loathed dictator and petty tyrant in bed with USSR bogeyman Vlad the Im-Putin™, but the reality is that this guy is all about Hungary for Hungarians.
And – because it’s still just the Hungarians who vote in Hungarian elections (thanks in part to Orban’s crackdown on crazy globalist nonsense), the odds should favor the incumbent at something like -10000, not -200.
Beto O’Rourke For Texas Governor
- No -800
- Yes +425
Hell no, he’s not taking your Texas gubernatorial seat.
Dr. Oz For US Senate
- No -250
- Yes +225
These Dr. Oz odds are amusing.
When the celebrity physician first declared his candidacy, he was the heavy favorite. Since then, of course, he’s slipped a bit.
We’re including this one in our batch of BS not because we don’t think Oz has a chance or that he’d actually be pretty well suited to the job.
Instead, we’re including it because we never thought we’d hear the words “Dr. Oz for Senate.”
Stacey Abrams For Georgia Governor
- No -250
- Yes +170
Georgia seems to be aware of the massive – and we mean massive – bullet it dodged in 2018, and we doubt that Abrams’ election odds are even remotely as good as +170.
Plus, GA’s election reform laws should prevent the same kinds of shenanigans as those deployed during the 2020 general.
We think Abrams’ odds should be closer to +2000 or so.
2024 Presidential Election Odds – To Progress Further
- Donald Trump -425
- Mike Pence +265
Mike Pence will never hold meaningful public office again.
100 million voters know the guy’s a RINO, and there’s no way the American people are going to let him “beat” his former boss twice.
2024 Presidential Election Odds – To Progress Further
- Kamala Harris -120
- Ron DeSantis -120
Seriously? One of these is a rocket ship and the other is a sinking ship.
2024 Presidential Election Odds – To Progress Further
- Donald Trump -120
- Joe Biden -120
LOL.
2024 Presidential Election Odds – To Progress Further
- Donald Trump -220
- Kamala Harris +155
LMAO.
Trump Vs. Biden In 2024
- No -450
- Yes +275
ROFLMAO.
Moving on…
Another nonsensical betting line – also hosted by BetOnline AG – was graded yesterday, and the winner was actually pretty surprising: Elon Musk was announced as TIME’s Person of the Year for 2021.
In an era where individuals have regularly been supplanted by groups for this once-meaningful award, Musk came from way down the list – at +2500 odds – to take the cake.
For some context, here’s where the odds stood before Musk conned his way to the top of the heap:
2021 TIME Person of the Year Odds
- Doctors, Nurses, First Responders, Healthcare Workers +100
- Anthony Fauci +700
- World Health Organisation +900
- Epidemiologists +1200
- Joe Biden +1200
- Journalists +1200
- Kamala Harris +1200
- Black Lives Matter +1600
- Climate Activists +1600
- Alexei Navalny +2000
- Angela Merkel +2000
- Elon Musk +2500
- Jacinda Ardern +2500
- Médecins Sans Frontières +2500
- Teachers And Educators +2500
- Jeff Bezos +3000
- Bill Gates +3300
- Greta Thunberg +3300
- Nancy Pelosi +3500
- Marcus Rashford +4000
- Michelle Obama +4500
- Boris Johnson +5000
- Chuck Schumer +5000
- Donald Trump +5000
- Kayla Barron +5000
- LeBron James +5000
- Mitch McConell +5000
- Pope Francis +5000
- Stacey Abrams +5000
- The Iron Sheik +5000
- Beyonce +6600
- Cardi B +6600
- Mark Zuckerberg +6600
- Rihanna +6600
- Meghan Markle +8000
- Narendra Modi +8000
- Xi Jinping +8000
- Kim Jong-Un +10000
Now, because of COVID (and because we’re living in the insufferable Age of the Participation Trophy™), we were certain that the favorite – “Doctors, Nurses, First Responders, Healthcare Workers” – would be the winner.
Barring that, we were sure that the Cult of Fauci™ would garner a win for its idol.
Barring that, all the other options before Elon seemed reasonable in the context of Clownworld™.
However, the Cult of Elon™ is even bigger – and predicated on even more scientific illiteracy – than the Cult of Fauci™. In retrospect, then, this actually makes sense.
We’re not exactly sure what Musk did this year to garner the honor (other than surpass Amazon’s Jeff Bezos as the richest man on Earth, albeit with a net worth far more debatable than that owned by the latter), but he’s won it for some reason.
Ironically, the award comes just a few days after Musk’s admonition that SpaceX is facing bankruptcy if the nascent rocket company doesn’t pull a rabbit out of a hat unicorn out of a thimble in the next few months:
2021 Joe Biden Presidential Mental Fitness Test Update
Will Biden complete full first term?
- Yes -220 (-220)
- No +155 (+155)
No.
Biden Exit Date
- 2025 -140 (-140)
- Not Before 2026 +335 (+335)
- 2022 +400 (+400)
- 2023 +550 (+550)
- 2024 +1400 (+1400)
- 2021 +10000 (+10000)
2022 or 2023.
Will Biden leave office via impeachment?
- No -900 (-900)
- Yes +500 (+500)
Of course not.
Biden Approval Rating On Jan. 1, 2022
- Under 43% -130 (43% -115)
- Over 43% -110 (43% -115)
Under.