Well, bettors, if you thought this thing was over, we’ve got news for you:
It ain’t.
At least, not when it comes to the odds boards.
From an election standpoint, however, it appears to be.
With Joe Biden’s one-in-a-quadrillion victory looking like it’s going to hold up because every poll in America wants the Orange Outsider™ gone, the fat lady is definitely warming up her vocal cords.
Indeed, most outstanding wagers associated with the election’s outcome should be paid out in short order.
Additionally, some earlier political prop bets are looking like they could vest, as our tech overlords have finally banned The Donald from all his social media accounts.
The timing of this – just after Biden became “President-elect” and Trump delivered a message urging his mostly peacefully protesting supporters to do no harm and go home (which was, of course, censored on Twitter and prevented from retweets and further dissemination) – is not a coincidence.
Trump Prop Bets
The bans have been scheduled to last for two weeks, which means that most Trump Twitter props should hit, as they came with a minimum ban time of just seven days.
Some bettors have been waiting years for this particular payout.
But naturally, the props just keep on coming.
BetOnline, which largely stayed out of the prop game in the lead-up to the 2020 general election, is hitting the market hard with its slate of wagers available today.
Most of these are futures on Donald Trump’s future. Some are tongue-in-cheek, while others are potential harbingers of things to come.
In any case, they’re all worth a look.
They’re also worth a dollar or two.
But be forewarned: Because many of these could literally be downgraded at any time – and because BetOnline is notorious for posting such lines for just a day or two before taking them down – you’ll want to act fast should any of them catch your eye.
2021 Donald Trump Betting Odds
Will @RealDonaldTrump be permanently removed from Twitter?
- No -300
- Yes +200
No. Donald Trump is Twitter’s single biggest asset, and banning a former President permanently would be a dangerous precedent in terms of Section 230 tech protections (and, you know, free speech and stuff).
The shoe always, always, always eventually ends up on the other foot, and these Silicon Valley types understand that. The current Trump Twitter suspension is a gutless publicity stunt and nothing more.
Twitter wants your WokePoints™ now, but it wants Trump’s followers’ money later. So follow the money, and take the “No.”
Will Donald Trump create a Parler account before 1/20/21?
- No -200
- Yes +150
This is a tough one, because whether Trump is permanently banned from Twitter or not, he shouldmake a Parler account anyway.
In doing so, Trump could singlehandedly bring relevancy to the platform, giving Twitter a major competitor in the space.
On the other hand, Trump’s next move is almost certainly going to be the establishment of a news and entertainment media empire to dethrone Fox, Breitbart, and the entire left-wing MSM cabal, and that will surely include a social media component.
If Trump joins Parler now, its value would skyrocket, making it more expensive to purchase. Instead, he should buy Parler now, and then join it. This would drive up its value and status yugley.
Still, Trump could go either way. He might even make a Gab account. Who knows?
Not us, so we’re not biting.
Will Donald Trump still be POTUS on 1/19/2021?
- Yes -700
- No +400
Yes. There is no chance that Trump will be removed from office in the last two weeks of his term.
If establishment Democrats and Republicans were to hold a super-duper top-secret meeting to plan out the most sure-fire path to a bloody, long, painful, and fundamentally nation-altering civil war, this would be the way to do it.
Since the government isn’t equipped to handle tens of millions of pissed off Americans who have defined their hills to die on, they’re not going to bounce Trump down the homestretch – especially not after making their openly fraudulent election gambit in November.
It would have been one or the other, and the swamp-dwelling uniparty chose the latter.
For the same reason, Trump isn’t going to be arrested after he becomes a private citizen again, either. After all, his support isn’t ending with his term as President. It’s only just beginning.
In fact, if we had to guess whether President Biden or Citizen Trump will be more influential and powerful going forward, we’re taking Trump all day.
Will There be a 25th Amendment vote in Congress?
- No -700
- Yes +400
This is essentially the exact same wager as the above, which is why you see the exact same odds.
At this point, given that Trump impeachment would take longer than the two weeks he has left in office, the only way to bounce him prematurely would be to invoke Section 4 of the 25th Amendment:
“Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.”
Could there be a 4-D chess-style Trump-Pence long con here? Maybe. But probably not.
As such, it ain’t happening, and for the reasons explained above.
Kids, it’s only two weeks till Christmas. Just wait, okay?
And don’t cry when you rip open the wrapping paper and it isn’t what you wanted. You’d only break your new toy in a couple days, anyway.
What will be Donald Trump’s next Twitter handle if @RealDonaldTrump is removed?
- @FortyFivePOTUS +100
- @BIGDickTrump +150
- @NoSmallHands +250
- @MEGATRIOT +500
- @ProudBoyTrump +800
- @whitepowerDon +1000
The trolls at BetOnline are some of the best in the business.
Of course, we should point out a couple things, here.
First, this isn’t a real betting line. Yes, BetOnline will let you wager on it, but they don’t expect you to.
This, instead, is a public service, giving those of us inundated with depressing politics on the daily something amusing to laugh about.
But that aside, here’s why you shouldn’t wager on any line like this:
First of all, anyone could register these accounts and screw their fellow bettors out of any such longshot payout. Good for a giggle, but bad for the gaggle.
Secondly, @FortyFivePOTUS, @BIGDickTrump (LOL), and @MEGATRIOT are all existing accounts that have already been banned. Meanwhile, any Twitter handle with the phrase “whitepower” in it is preemptively blacklisted.
That leaves just two, and those will be snatched up in short order.
But honestly, thanks for the chuckle, BetOnline. We needed one. Bigly.
First Non-Extradition Country Trump Enters
- Russia +200
- United Arab Emirates +250
- Qatar +300
- Morocco +500
- Brunei +700
- Montenegro +800
- Ukraine +800
- Saudi Arabia +1000
- Indonesia +1400
- Mongolia +1400
- Jordan +2000
- Lebanon +2000
- Cambodia +2800
- Georgia +2800
- Vatican City +5000
- Vietnam +5000
- Libya +7500
- China +10000
None of the above, unless it’s on business as a private citizen.
Since there are no conditions on this wager save that Trump must make such a journey before January 22 – and since it’s conceivable that the global real estate magnate may well pay a visit to any of his properties or projects he’s been away from over the last four years – your guess is as good as ours as to where he’s headed first.
However, if you think the spirit of this wager is about Trump fleeing America to escape prosecution for some nebulous, imaginary charge the media hasn’t made up yet, you should rethink things.
Firstly, as explained above, Trump is politically bulletproof in the United States.
Secondly, if Trump did have to flee America, the country he’d choose – the country where he has the same kind of enthusiastic support as he has here – is not on the above list. No, it’s not technically a “non-extradition” country, but it’d be the only place to go.
Of course, if you absolutely must bet on the above, we recommend Indonesia at +1400 or Cambodia at +2800. If you’re going to be stupid, you might as well be spectacularly stupid.
All in all, we’re glad to see BetOnline back in the political props game. These were amusing, and we look forward to many more to come.